Silence
by DegrassiSunshine
Summary: We all know the story about how Eli lost Julia, his ex-girlfriend. But we don't really know the story, do we? So I decided to fill in the blanks with this fanfiction. It's about what lead up to Julias death, and how Eli dealt with it.Enjoy :
1. Chapter 1 Julia POV

**Authors note: The lyrics are from "Breathe" by Taylor Swift. I know, I know the song wasn't meant for this but I thought it fit. This is originally going to be a one shot, but if there is some Eli-addicts out there who wants more, I'm very eager to please (as long as you review) . Anyway, this is my new-and-improved version, with less spelling/gramor issues.**

_**I see your face in my mind as I drive away,**_

_**'Cause none of us thought it was gonna end that way,**_

_**People are people and sometimes we change our minds,**_

_**But it's killing me to see you go after all this time.**_

"Why do you always have to be like that?" I snapped, flipping a strand of black hair out of my eye.

"Like what?" smirked the boy slouching next to me, his jade green eyes illuminated under the glare of the traffic light.

"Don't play that game with me, Eli. You got us banned from McDonalds. _McDonalds_!"

"Sorry." Eli replied, not sounding very sorry at all.

"Of all places…! We were just getting freaking hamburger and fries, and now I have to drive 20 minutes to get a Mcflurry!"

"They might forget." He said lamely, staring deliberately away into the windshield.

I rolled my eyes and crossed my arms over my chest, annoyance flooding through me.

"They took our pictures, idiot. I thought I would die of embarrassment. "

"At least they aren't the only ones overreacting." He snapped, honking loudly at the driver in front of us when he failed to realize the light had changed within two seconds. I rolled my eyes again at his impatience. He glanced over at me with that sideways smirk that always made my heart pound, but now it just made me even more exasperated.

"You know, if you do that too much they will stay like that." he said smugly.

I unconsciously started to roll my eyes, but caught myself, feeling my cheeks flood crimson with embarrassment.

"I think your mouth is already stuck like that." I retorted and sneered triumphantly as his smirk melted away. He just frowned angrily and for a few minutes we rode in tense silent until I started again, determined to make Eli as irritated as I was.

"I never that you would be that kind of guy, Eli."

"What kind of guy?" he glanced over at me through narrow green eyes, daring me to say what I was thinking. Too bad for him, I wasn't fooled by his bad-ass attitude; I knew him far too well for that. I smirked back at him, saying exactly what I meant.

"The jealous boyfriend." I taunted. He clenched his jaw, and his smirk turned into a scowl.

"I am not jealous!"

"I suppose it was his shirt then, it was such a ugly yellow that you just had to punch him in the face?"

"He was totally flirting with you. Right in front of me!"

"So what if he was?"

"You're my girlfriend!"

"Who perfectly capable of taking care of herself, _without_ any public embarrassment!"

"You know what, that's just the thing! You don't just take care of yourself; you have to control everyone else too!"

"At least I have some self control!"

"Oh, like your Ms. Perfect example now, huh?"

I turned away from him, glaring angrily out the window

"I'm not asking you to be perfect. I'm asking you to just act like a normal person and figure out what is worth fighting over."

"Sorry I'm not _normal_ enough for you."

"That's not what I meant." I said quickly, giving an internal groan. I'm walking on broken glass now. If there was thing never to say in front of Eli, it was saying the "N" word.

He scoffed and stepped unnecessarily hard on the gas, causing me to get thrown against the back of my seat.

"Real mature Eli, let's get us killed."

"You would like that, wouldn't you?" he muttered, not slowing down in the least.

I flinched and fingered my wrists, feeling smooth, soft skin. The scars had almost faded, but his edged comment felt like a slap in the face. I have gotten teased before; this was a different kind of pain. I couldn't just shrug it off when he was the one who had put me back together again, even if it looks like it was done with duck tape and superglue, I am in one piece. I gulped and my eyes hardened trying making it seem like I didn't care.

Because I don't care…. Right?

I don't care what people think, I don't care what my classmates think, I don't care what my teachers think, I don't care what my parents think. Did I care what Eli thought? I have always been good liar, but I couldn't use the same tactics on myself as much as I wanted to so I know I do. Suddenly I need urgently to get out of the car because I couldn't breathe the tension in the air between us.

"Pull over."

"What?"

"Pull over."

He gave me a wary look that I pretended not to see.

"Why?"

"Now!" I snarled impatiently. Was it that hard to understand?

Obediently, he pulled over and I immediately jumped out of the car slamming the door behind me. Ignoring his eyes that so surely were burning through my back, I walked over to the trunk and pulled out my bike.

"What the hell are you doing?" he asked, confusion plastered on his face, mixed with anger and something else… guilt? I shook off the thought staring intensely at the ground, determined not to get lost in the forest of emotion in his eyes.

"Going home." I said plainly, wanting to give him the same one-and-two syllable answers I get when he's mad.

"In the middle of the night."

"Yeah." I said jumping on my bike, pretending I didn't hear the concern in his voice.

"It will take you a while to get home by bike."

"Thanks, Mom, I'll keep that in mind."

I finally looked up, and for a heartbeat we just stood there like idiots, standing on the side of the road and staring at each other. I didn't speak, locking my royal blue eyes with his dark emerald ones. I saw more things there then I could ever try to understand, and found myself wondering for the millionth time what went through his mind.

"That's dangerous…." He started, shifting his weight from one foot to another. I didn't give him the advantage of finishing.

"Like you care." I snap, riding away as fast as possible, desperate to leave the insults behind, desperate to leave Eli behind.


	2. Chapter 1 Eli POV

Silence

**Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi... kinda depressing, but this is close as I get.**

Authors Note: Same dialogue, just Eli's POV. Not a different chapter, just something to hold you over :)

* * *

_**I see your face in y mind as I drive away,**_

_**'Cause none of us thought it was gonna end that way**_

_**People are people and sometimes we change our minds**_

_**But it's killing me to see you go after all this time**_

"Why do you always have to be like that?"

"Like what?" I smirked, purposely making her madder. She is so adorable when she's mad.

"Don't play that game with me, Eli . You got us banned from McDonald's. _McDonald's_!"

"Sorry." I replied, keeping myself from laughing at the irony of where it happens. 'Cause McDonald's is where all the gangsters go.

"Of all places…! We were just getting freaking hamburger and fries , and now I have to drive 20 minutes to get a Mcflurry!"

"They might forget." I said mildly, highly doubting it. She just rolled her eyes.

"They took our pictures, idiot. I thought I would die of embarrassment. " Harsh.

"At least they aren't the only ones overreacting." I muttered as I endured her lecture.

"I never that you would be that kind of guy."

"What kind of guy?" I glared over at her, daring her to say what was on her mind.

"The jealous boyfriend."

My humor melted into anger at the accusation

"I was not jealous."

" I suppose it must have been his shirt then , that was such a ugly yellow that you punched him in the face?" she retorted, her voice thick with sarcasm.

Now she was being unfair. What are you supposed to do when your ex-best friend sits by your girlfriend how much she charges per hour?

Asshole.

"He was totally flirting with you. Right in front of me! Don't tell me you were too blind to see that, because I won't believe you." Understatement of the year, but I didn't need to go into detail.

" So what if he was?"

"You're my girlfriend!"

"Who perfectly capable of taking care of herself, _without_ any public embarrassment!"

Stung, I lash back at her, my voice rising.

"You know what, that's just the thing! You don't just take care of yourself; you have to control everyone else too!"

"At least I have some self control!"

_Self control_! Yeah, like she has such great ways of dealing with her problems.

"Oh, like your Ms. Perfect example now, huh?"

She didn't dare to meet my gaze and stared out the window. "I'm not asking you to be perfect. I'm asking you to just act like a normal person and figure out what is worth fighting over."

Now I was boiling over with anger, trust Julia to use my biggest pet peeve. I HATE it when people pull the "normal" card on anybody. What is normal, anyway? Some impossible standard nobody can live up to. Truthfully, there isn't anyone who fits the criteria; you have your goths, your emos, your nerds, your preps, but… normal? Normal is someone who you don't bother to get know. You find a "normal" person, and I'll show you my pink unicorn. "Sorry I'm not _normal_ enough for you."

"That's not what I meant." Sure it wasn't. I scoffed and stepped unnecessarily hard on the gas, throwing Julia to the back of her seat.

"Real mature Eli, let's get us killed."

"You would like that, wouldn't you?" she looked over at me, her blue eyes swimming with hurt and pain nobody else can imagine, feelings I had barely skimmed the surface of.

_Damn._

Did I just say that out loud?

"Pull over."

Did she just say what I tink she said?

"What?"

"Pull over."

God, she was serious. Was she going to slap me or something?  
"Why?"

"Now!"

Shocked, I pulled over, only to see her walk out to the truck and grab her bike. Oh no, where was she going with this?

"What are you doing?"

She didn't bother to look up. "Going home."

Has she gone completely insane? "In the middle of the night...?"

"Yeah."

She raised her head and our eyes met, and I felt like the biggest idiot in the world. Like I was screwing something amazing up, like I was watching a scene in a horror movie unfold. Those scenes where you wanguess. You t to yell at the character _don't open the door! _That scene where you know what's going to happen next, where you have seen it a zillion times even if you haven't seen the movie before. You know, know it gets ugly around then but you don't stop watching it, because that what you came for. I guess I never thought about the characters, how they were doomed from the start, the instant they appeared in the writers mind. Yet… they live out their part anyway, because they don't know. So helpless, so innocent,thats how I felt right now. I like… I knew this wouldn't end well, but couldn't stop.

Wouldn't stop.

"Julia, you can't! That's dangerous."

"Like you care."

I watched wordlessly as she rode off, then jumped back into my dad's car and drove home. But the look in her eyes were haunting me at every turn.


	3. Chapter 2 Eli POV

**Crash, Part 1.**

_**Music starts playin' like the end of a sad movie,**_

_**It's the kinda ending you don't really wanna see,**_

'_**Cause its tragedy and it will only bring you down,**_

_**Now I don't know what to be without you around,**_

_**And we know it's never simple, never easy,**_

_**Never a clean break, no one here to save me,**_

_**You're the only thing I know like the back of my hand.**_

Julia POV

I didn't do it for show, because I know it is stupid to hurt yourself to look cool. I guess that makes me a hypocrite, but I guess that's just who am and the world's going to have to deal . Another thing I have seen is to carve the name or initial's of your lover into your skin; but I know it's a fact that Eli would not think it was sweet at all. He would be even more concerned about me and anyone who truly loves you should. I didn't do it for attention either, to make people worry about me or to make my name known. I started in 8th grade, but the first domino to fall was in 6t. In 6th grade when I learned what the worst word in the dictionary was, contained in but six letters: cancer.

When my brother whom was barely allowed to drive he was forced to fight with a very adult and very deadly disease- and lost. I spent so much of my middle school years confined in the bright yet depressing walls of the hospital, it became my second home. On October 16, 2005 the finality of death was thrust upon me, filling me with too much grief to hold in an 11 year old body. So I began to hate any bright colors and my wardrobe slowly lost the happy neon attire I usually held, and started to get the dark, shadowy tone that started to follow me around like a raincloud. My blue eyes became concealed in makeup, my blond hair became black and more recently took on bright blue highlights which were _almost _worth the lecture. At the time I had been a very outgoing, giggly kind of person and was relatively popular, but I was slowly but surely distancing me from myself secluding into the safety of Julia's world, the one where nobody else was allowed in. Surprisingly enough, this even was not when the first tear of blood fell from my wrist. And that is because as I was distancing me from my old self, my old friends were distancing themselves from me. As I transformed into an "Emo" or a "Goth" instead of the peppy, animated girl they had once known our conversations became shorter and tenser. I little by little lost all the people who I had spent my free time with until one day I came to my lunch table to find my seat filled with a stranger. I had stood there like an idiot, with a tray in my hand and no place to got. Not one person even looked up, acknowledged I had ever known them.

I had slunk as far away as I could go and sat down, my back hunched to the world. It was that day I felt so low and so worthless that I took a tiny tack and dug it into my skin until beads of blood dripped from it, carrying in them the angst of a first time cutter. The next day was no different, nor the day after that, other than the fact that the tack turned to a razor, until eventually I smuggled a steak knife into my room. As I sunk into my antisocial routine I also got into the routine of savoring the minor pain that distracted me from the worse one, the pain of isolation.

This went on for a few months until one day one of my friends whom I had almost lost touch with from elementary school decided to do the simple thing nobody else would bother to. Even my best friends did less that a boy who I used to shoot a text every once in a while, but no more than that. He saw me sitting alone and warmly invited me to sit at his table without making a show of it. I agreed nervously, walking across the cafeteria which I had once owned and into the half which we affectionately called "the dark side" (in honor of the fact that only half of the lights worked) and right past my former friends. No doubt were they wondering what I was doing with the biggest catch in school, the one neither of them could ever grab a date with. That boy was Eli.

He introduced me to all of his friends, some who gave me dirty looks, and none of who I knew. He tried somewhat successfully to lift the rigid atmosphere, talking unreservedly and attempting to involve me in the conversation. One in particular, named Austin, was extremely friendly almost to the point that it was flirting. His friends never did become my friends, acquaintances perhaps; but I began to improve to the point where I know longer tensed ever muscle in my body and started to come out of my shell, showing them the friendly sarcastic girl I had forgotten I could be. Eli was the only person I built a real friendship with and I ever so slowly started to let him into the world of Julia. Still, some parts remained locked of to even him, and my knife was becoming rusted from all the times the scarlet stains had been washed from it.

Almost a year passed and by 8th grade we were great friends the kind that I should've been completely open with, but I didn't want him to know about my self-harm. A secret like that can only be held for so long and he did find out. I can recall that bittersweet night he did as clear and sharp as a shard of glass:

_I could feel my heart pounding in my chest, and I knew I had gone too far. I hadn't meant for it be that deep, really, I hadn't. But now it was and I couldn't stop blood from trickling down my hand, and I couldn't call the police without exposing my secret to my parents. So I did the only thing I could; I got on my bike to flee a few blocks, and crawled through Eli's window. I delicately walked over to him, lightly shaking his shoulder to awake him. His eyes flew open and for an I second I thought he would scream, but after a moment understanding filled his eyes._

"_Shit, Julia. You scared me half to death! What the hell are you doing here in the middle of the night?_"

_My eyes flared and I winched at how noisily he shattered the tranquility in the house_

"_Shh! Not so loud."_

_He rubbed his eyes and yawned, sitting up halfway. In any other situation I would have burst out laughing at his bed head._

"_Shouldn't I be telling you that?"_

_I gulped and sat on his bed, unsure of what to say. __His eyes softened a little and he made himself comfortable on the edge of the bed._

"_Really, Jules, you're starting to get the deer in the headlights look. What's wrong? "_

"_I-I need your help." I stuttered, terrified of how he would react. _

_He reached over and turned on the lamp, getting a full view of my eyes glazed with the tears I wouldn't let fall._

"_With what?"_

_I heard him take a sharp gasp, as his eyes answered his own question._

"_Julia…you're bleeding."_

_I glanced down at my arm, frantically trying to hold back the sobs struggling in my throat that just wanted so bad to get out, to show everyone how weak I am. The most horrible thing about this all was at this minute my fingers were itching to do what got me into this mess, to stop the tears and let pain replace the sadness. _

"_Come."_

_I stood up following Eli as a dog would follow its master, not knowing what else to do. __He brought into his bathroom, pressing a wet towel to my wound. For nearly fifteen minute we stood there, his minty breath warming my shivering body until a composed, still voice I did not know left his lips._

"_Did you do this?"_

_I nodded powerless to get the words lodged in my mind out in the open._

_He stared down at all the scratches etched into my skin and I looked up at his, waiting to hear what he would say, and he What he did surprised me and still does._

"_I'm sorry."_

"_What?"_

"_I thought you felt like you could you could talk to me."_

_Panic crept into my voice, intertwined with guilt. Not in a million years would I ever think he had caused this._

"_I do!"_

"_The why- he motioned to my arm with ugly red scars carved so savagely in it- do you do that instead of calling me, talking to me?"_

_He sounded almost angry, but until this day I do not know if it was at him or me. _

_I stood silent, feeling the ugly cries trying to get out._

"_Well?"_

"_I was afraid…I was afraid if I told you it would become real. Final."_

"_It is real, Julie. You know that."_

_Silence._

"_It's the only thing that's not going to change."_

"_What do you mean?" _

"_One day my brother is alive and well, the next he's laying in a coffin. One day every Friday afternoon is booked for a month, the next I have no freinds. I could die any second of any day! Nothing ever stays the same."_

_His response showed what a truly amazing person he is, the reason I even bothered to stop the bleeding._

"_I am not going anywhere. Not ever."_

"_I'm messed up, Eli. I'll mess up you up to. Who wants to be friends with…."_

_I felt the word choking me, the one I would never admit._

"_With a…"_

"_Cutter."_

_Sitting there with the greenest eyes I have ever witnessed I let out the tears I had been holding in for 11 months, 8 days, and 14 hours. They were sobs that racked my whole body, but what happened next was something that made them all worth it._

_Eli leaned over and kissed me._

_This was not my first kiss; but there is no doubt in my mind is that it was the first one with someone I loved. I can't really dscribe it. It was a kiss that left me begging for more yet feeling filled to the brim._

_He pulled a piece of black hair out of my ear and whispered two simple words that throughout all of history have meant so much._

"_I do."_

After that, things started to improve. He tried to help me without telling someone like he promised, and that worked for a little while. Still after a few months it started again and I know now I never would have stopped if he hadn't done the thing I once hated him for. He told my parents. I screamed at him, cursed at him, I told him I hated him I even I threatened to kill myself if he ever tried to tak to me. I can still remember his stricken face when I said that, and for the first time I realized something was really wrong with me. That day I had backed away, hysterical and terrified, and run from the person who I trusted the most in the world. It took months for me to forgive him, but by the middle of 9th grade I understood what he had done. I forgave him, and rebuilt our friendship and eventually our relationship. At this moment I have gone 7 months without hurting myself, and getting longer everyday.

Now one question was ringing in my head. How could he do that?

Of course, we have gotten in fights before. When we met, I didn't know what love meant, and I certainly never would have guessed it would have anything to do with the annoying kid across the street. Love isn't someone who you've had two conversations with, but it's not someone you have memorized either. Love isn't something you can predict, not something anyone can describe. Love is mystery, love is passion, love is happiness, love is misery, love is….

Eli Goldsworthy.

And now I don't even know who he is anymore.

It hits me that this is the wrong house, but in my credit I am not totally insane I suppose because my mind was elsewhere my body went into survival mode and strait to Eli's house. I guess this counts as one of those times when I feel as miserable as you can get. Although we bicker often and sometimes even get in full blown fights this is the worst I can remember. I feel the urge right now, my mind begging me to get this torment out of my system, the daily battle between me and myself.

I was too busy wallowing, in self-pity to see the car.

And whoever was in the car was too busy to see me.


	4. Chapter 3 Eli POV

Crash, Part 2.

**Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi.**

**Authors Note- I would like to clarify that Julia's appearance does not exactly match the picture shown in Eli's room. I thought of this story before anything was known about Julia, so I didn't imagine her to look like she does even though it turned out to be close. If you are interested a picture of her (not me) it is my profile picture. Also, Eli's parents are not the same as the ones on the show. Like I said, I thought of this before Cici and Bullfrog. This story will not always match with the show, but has the same idea. **

**Thank you,**

**_DegrassiSunshine_**

**_Its 2 am., feeling like I just I just lost a friend,_**

**_Hope you know this ain't easy, easy for me. _**

**_Its 2am, feeling like I just lost a friend,_**

**_Hope you know this ain't easy for me._**

Eli's POV

_I don't know where I am all I know that it is dark, the kind of choking blackness that seems to suck the air right out of your lungs. I can hear footstep's approaching behind me sounding light and muffled, but forbidding, like a tiger stalking its prey. I whirled around, the alarm churning in my stomach threatening to overtake any common sense that might still survive in my mind. Two glowing blue eyes were staring at me appeareing to be attached to nothing but as my own eyes I adjusted to the light I found a very familiar face gazing back at me._

_"Oh, it's you." I sighed_

_The relief was only momentary and I felt like something was different, like something was wrong. I suppressed a scream as Julia's eyes turned red spreading ,and I don't mean red as in it looked like she had been drinking; I mean red as in blood red, as in scarlet. A eerie white light washed over her showing me all the ugly slash's I had thought were dispelled forever, all with blood trickling off of them. I had the odd feeling I was…I don't know how to describe it. Not quite pain, but the kind of feeling you get when get a tooth pulled, you know it's there but it's not quite. I looked down and what I saw made my breath catch in my throught, and the ground seemed to sway underneath me._

_Sick understanding flooded through me; drop for drop, cut for cut I felt what she felt. He pain was mine; my arms and stomach were crisscrossed with scars new and old identical to the ones I had stumbled across so many months ago. As I lifted my shirt on my stomach there were more, each deeper and redder than the next. In her hand was a huge blade, old and rusted but still razor-sharp and not aimed at me, but at her. Before I could think, she thrust the serrated metal teeth into her fair skin which sent me reeling in pain. She didn't cry, didn't scream, but just grinning unnervingly as if it was as ordinary as breathing. I felt my heart twist as I realized that for her it almost was. Even though the person in front of me was the same one I knew and loved, something inside me knew this was a stranger._

_"Stop it!" _

_As if to say tht my complaint had beeen heard,a sudden stinging rain poured from the sky with a brutal wind accompaning it making it almost impossible to be heard. Of course, she would have ignored me anyway so I am unsure why it mattered._

_"Why are you doing this!" I shrieked, which just caused her to gaze vacantly at me and when she answered her reply sounding foreign and computerized._

_"It's okay, Eli. I like it. " _

_I like it..._

_I like it…._

_Her words were racing through my head over and over, banging mercilessly against the shell of my mind in a headache ten times worse than anything I had ever experienced. I wanted to scream in frustration, but fear overtook everything else when she picked up the knife again, bringing it millimeters from her throat. _

_"Stop!" I shouted, leaping forward._

_I seemed to miss the ground, or perhaps the ground missed me. I didn't have much time to think contemplate that as I was plummeting through nothingness. I writhed through the air, shreiking in fear. _

_I am falling, falling, falling, falling…._

_"Julia! Help me!"_

_Falling, falling, falling…._

_She looked down at me, still grinning._

_"Bye-bye, Eli."_

_Falling, falling…_

_I looked down to see the ground inches from my face, and I gave one final, frantic attempt to beg for help._

_"Julia!"_

I opened my eyes, still seeing black.

Was I dead?

After half a second it occurred to me that I was breathing and evry bone in my body wasn't shattered, so I figured that was a good sign. I tred rolling over which I did sorta successfully since I collided into my bed, and realized I was in my room and it was probably just a dream.

The idea didn't surprise me, but it was so vivid and I felt as spooked as if it had really happened. My breath coming out in short, ragged gasps as if I haven't breathed in months and my heart was pounding like a drum, my hands clammy with sweat. I must have been rolling so much in my sleep that I fell off the bed, and judging from the bump and throbbing headache, I had landed on my head. I could hear the steady drumming of rain on the roof which didn't bother me in the least, but I admit I was a little-err- surprised when white lightning lit up the room followed by a crash of thunder so loud it shook the very floorboards. I could all too easily imagine Julia teasing me along with her signature laugh and eye roll:

" Eli, you're such a baby! Even Morton isn't that scared of a little rain."

I gave a half-smile thinking of old Morty, the world's only hospitable guard dog. I sat up and looked my alarm clock, winching at how late – scratch that, how early- it was.

**2:17 am.**

I sighed heavily, scratching my disheveled black hair and surveying the blankets that had joined the fun on the floor of my room. I had nowhere in particular to be at two in the morning on a Wednesday night, so I figured getting up was the first step. I stood up with a groan and turned on the light, squinting my eyes a little at the bright light filled the room. I threw the covers back on my bed and lay down even though I knew impossible to fall asleep now. That part was right, because instead of doing what everybody else was doing and going to sleep, I found myself reflecting on my fight with Julia. I winched a little as I recalled the detached look on her face that reminded me so much of the look she got when I spilled about her problem with self-injury to her parents. It was the face that promised me it would be a long time -perhaps never- until I regained her trust. And gaining the trust of Julia is like mining for gold- you have to go through many tons of rock to get an ounce of what you are looking for, but if you find it you'll be rich.

I unconsciously wondered if she had gotten home before the rain had started, feeling a little guilty for making her ride home in the dark. I don't understand it, we just got in a fight; shouldn't I be mad at her? I am angry- but I feel a little remorseful too like I just got back right where I started. Julia is unlike anyone I have ever met, and I know she's not as tough as she looks. She's like an ocean- on the surface she looks troubled, at war with herself like the waves that beat the surface of the water. Looking at just the top is pretty enough (who isn't captivated by a sunset on the beach?) but the real beauty lies underneath, peaceful and full of life. The rainbow of coral and fish and other sea creatures, all the little crevices and undersea cliffs- more treacherous, in a way, but more rewarding as well. When you think about it, anyone worth knowing is like that. Some people in particular let very few underneath; some of their waves are so rough nobody dares to try. Some people are easy to figure out- so shallow you hardly have to dive while others are so deep your brain screams for air, but your heart wants to get to the bottom. I am pretty sure I just got pushed strait up into the surface of Julia's ocean, and it is a long, long, way down.


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi or the song Cannonball.**

**I know I haven't posted in a while, and I'm sorry **** Blame midterms! The song is Cannonball by Damien Rice. Hope you enjoy, please R&R!**

_**There's still a little bit of your taste in my mouth,**_

_**There's still a little but of you laced with my doubt,**_

_**Its still hard to say what's going on.**_

She looked like she had been hit by a train. Her leg was bandaged and propped up on a sling, and the left side of her head was shaved with a procession of 10 or 15 stitches stretching down it. The worst was all the stuff attached to her, including a long tube snaking down her throat and huge machines that looked like they came straight out of some kind of futuristic film. Her mother was sitting next to her and sobbing, with her father yelling at one of the nurses to fix her. A small group of paramedics were swarming around her, checking all the machines frantically.

"Oh my god…"

Jake muttered, echoing my thoughts, and Julia's parents finally noticed us .Her dad stormed over, fury in his blue gaze that so strikingly resembled Julia's, and his.

"What have you done to my daughter?"

I flinched away, asking myself the same question. What had I done?

"I-I…"

"Why was she roaming the streets when you drove her home, huh?"

"She wanted to bike the rest of the way…" I mumbled helplessly, wishing I could just sink into the ground and disappear.

"I thought… I didn't..."

Jake stepped between me and her father, seeming to find his voice.

"Lay off! Blaming him won't help." Even the ever-confident Jake's voice was shaking, and I realized that he's her friend too, even if they weren't as close. Mr. Waters clenched his fists, and for I second I thought he was going to hit him, but he just took a deep breath and backed off still looking like a coiled snake. Julia's mother walked over, and although she wasn't as aggressive as her husband it was apparent she blamed me too.

"Elijah, Jacob, shouldn't you be in school?" Her voice was tight, and I could tell she was restraining herself from interrogating me. I stared at the ground, suddenly aware at what I had barged in on.

"I wanted to visit your daughter." I replied trying to sound brave but it came out high and panicky.

"Are your parents aware of this?"

Jake nodded.

"Yeah, they said it was cool."

"My dad's at work, and I'm not allowed to call him until her gets home."

"Would he approve of this?"

I snorted. "He wouldn't know and wouldn't care." I said bitterly, feeling guilty soon after for thinking about a petty thing like my relationship-or lack of one- with father when Julia was in a hospitable.

"I suppose you are already here." She said finally.

"So um, what's wrong with her?"

One of the nurses heard my question and turned around to face me.

"We think she is in a coma of some sort, but we are running tests to be positive."

"My Grandpa died in a coma." I commented dully and the nurse gave me a small smile.

"They are some severe injuries, but Julia is young and healthy so she may pull through."

"May?" Jake intercepted her.

"There is no guarantee with this kind of thing, but I assure you we have some of the most elite doctors in Ontario and we will try our best."

With that she left the room, and I sat down heavily on one of the chairs and stared at my girlfriend's once beautiful face bruised and scraped nearly beyond reconization.

"What have I done?" I whispered to myself, burying my head in my hands.

I love Julia, and I want to be the first one she sees when she wakes up. But on the list of awkward things to do, staring at someone in a coma with her parents (who never liked you in the first place) giving you the death glare is probably near the top. The only problem is I couldn't exactly swagger into science and say "Hey! I decided to ditch, but I got bored so I changed my mind." A deep voice jarred me out of my thoughts, and I looked over to see a tall, older man starting to speak.

"Hello, Mrs. And Mr. Waters. How are you?"

Mr. Waters glowered at him.

"Not the best, actually."

The doctor looked flustered for a minute continued talking.

"So, you are aware that Julia is on life support."

They nodded their heads, with same steely look on her father's face. I felt like I was intruding, but I had nowhere to go/

"We would like to perform a Electroencephalogram, or a EEG to monitor her brain activity."

He left the room with her parents, talking in low voice about the risks and advantages of the test.

"A brain scan? Do you think it might be… bad?" Jake whispered.

He was avoiding the word but I knew what it meant but I couldn't even think about it. I shot him a defeated look "Don't say that. Don't even say it."


End file.
